i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
