too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
