why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
