Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
