when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
