You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
