Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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