he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
