i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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