Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
