i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
