the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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