There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
