The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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