that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
