We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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