i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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