She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
