Kiss
Puke
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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