She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
