My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
