Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
