just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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