You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
