I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
