WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
