He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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