Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
