I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
