I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
