On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
