Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
