New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just gift wrapped bread.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
