Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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