your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
