No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
