Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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