HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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