sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
a search helicopter?!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
