he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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