Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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