I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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