I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Randomize
