I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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