never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
