I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
