I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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