He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
