she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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