brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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