I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
