Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
