I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
